Keep Your Nuts Under Lock and Key....

Thursday, 10pm

Thought for the Day - The most appetising picture on a cafe menu will never ever look the same on the plate

Pug Status - Snuggly and wuffly and warm and toasty

So that huge block of cheese has finally landed, in a Buckinghamshire garden - a shame it wasn't in Cheddar Gorge - and been handed into the local police where no doubt it will receive a severe grilling in the interview room. I understand that the home owner was actually doing some landscaping at the time it hit the ground, scaring him so much that he accidentally made himself a personal water feature....

What with swine flu and killer chipmunks both on the loose it's only a matter of time before the two combine and mutate and I end up being mugged for my dry-roasted by a deranged buck-toothed rodent with the sniffles. I did ring the Chipmunk hotline today but they were unable to help me work out which one is Chip and which one is Dale....

We have a litter of boxer puppies due next week and Obi Pug Kenobi, as honorary Auntie, is doing her best to help by testing out the new blankets (by sleeping on them), checking the refurbished dog room for draughts (by sleeping in it), and ensuring the freshly-installed CCTV works properly (by sleeping in front of it). All have been given the official snore of approval - you know, the one that sounds like an asthmatic donkey breathing through a surgical stocking....