Sunday, 9pm
Thought for the Day - Never try and set the time on a digital clock radio - it's far easier to wait until midnight and switch it off and back on again
Pug Status - Halfway through chewing a pig's ear
As a dog owner, I'm a very big fan of laminate flooring. Not only is it robust and waterproof (unlike carpet), you also have the ability to slide from one side of the room to the other at lightning speed, provided you have the right kind of socks on and are not carrying anything breakable or squashy.
There is a downside, though, if you happen to be house-training a young puppy, like Bob. Unless you catch said puppy red-pawed in the act, it is nigh on impossible to spot a puppy wee on a light-coloured laminate flooring. Giant chameleons in the rainforests of the Amazon have yet to perfect a camouflage as perfect.
There are only two courses of action that allow you to sniff out a rogue puddle, and neither is without its disadvantage.
The first is to go upstairs, put on a clean pair of socks (preferably white or light-coloured) and walk through the front room. Within three steps the predatory pool will have sucked into its cotton prey, leaving you to exit the room hastily, hopping and shaking the unfortunate foot like you're doing the conga with the Invisible Man.
The only other effective method is this. Upon entering the room you immediately drop flat with your head on the side, eyeballing the surface at floor height. You may look like an Apache Indian listening for buffalo on the Great Plains, you may also be unfortunate to end up with a wet ear if you went to ground in exactly the wrong (or, perhaps, right) place, but you will spot any stray Bob wee with unerring accuracy. And you will, with impeccable grace and feeling of dread, stand straight in it when you go to get something to mop it up with....
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