Ooh, just a pinch....

Monday, 8pm

Thought for the Day - how does Super Glue stop sticking inside the tube?

Pug Status - Finding out just how far the new extendable lead reaches

I'm not a brilliant cook, especially if the tin opener has gone missing, but I felt like exercising my culinary skills today - although, figuratively speaking, this was more like a trot around the block than a ten-mile yomp. I raided the brambles at the back of the garden for blackberries again, although it was not without embarrassment - I reached the top of the step-ladder to grab the highest fruits only to meet the steely glare of a teacher supervising a football lesson in the adjoining field....

I wouldn't say I'm an expert but I get by in the kitchen. My personal style is heavily influenced by Gordon Ramsey although that is nothing to go with cooking and more to do with my immediate reaction after hitting my thumb with a hammer. I wanted to make a nice dessert but despite consulting Delia, and with the better half out at work, I still needed some guidance. My neighbour was in the Army Catering Corp, but his best idea of making a blackberry crumble involved several hours of interrogation. Still, I got there in the end and I even pushed the boat out by making REAL custard - you know, the powder you make with milk, rather than hat instant hot water muck.....

Obi Pug Kenobi is always around to lend a paw in the kitchen when there's food about, especially if there's something in it for her. As a special treat today I decided to poach her some chicken - my wife distracted the game-keeper as I nipped back through he hedge. She also helped with the dishwasher, climbing in when the door is lowered to lick the dinner residue from the plates. Tonight, however, she failed to notice the upturned jug on the top basket and emerged with two streaks of gravy on the top of her head like a savoury badger.....