That's a nail, not a panel pin....

Sunday, 8.30pm

Thought for the Day - Every screwdriver set contains at least three you will never use, one you will use once and one that you will use all the time before breaking or losing it

Pug Status - Barking at the bad singers on the telly

A very busy weekend - I am so cream crackered you could butter my head, coat it in cheddar and call me Jacob. I am now winding down with a lump of homemade blackberry crumble and the Sunday edition of The X Factor, which I must confess I am not that keen on. The sniggering audience, the nervous butterfly feeling, the ritual humiliation - it's just like my last medical....

I thought I was going to spend a couple of hours this morning helping my Dad put up his new shed- it actually took about six. It turned out to be the most complicated piece of construction work since Anne Robinson's last face-lift. There were three different sizes of screws, which we carefully sorted before we started and then I immediately mixed up again when I stood on the corner of the box. With just the roof left to put on, we found that some pieces were missing - this meant a trek to the DIY store to stand in the biggest queue since the break-up of the Soviet Union, alongside several hundred punters with heavily discounted end-of-season gas barbecues. One of the items missing was some of the waterproof roofing covering, and I didn't endear myself to the young female manager on duty when I strode confidently up to the desk and asked her "Where can I get felt in here?"....

Obi Pug Kenobi's lack of opposable thumbs meant she was unable to hold any tools or shed pieces for Daddy and Grandad, although she did a marvellous job of guarding the tea and, especially, the biscuits. Grandad likes to feed our Princess bits of chocolate fingers when he thinks Daddy isn't looking; it comes to something when your parents keep a special biscuit box just for the dog....