Are you sure these aren't lemons?

Sunday, 8pm

Thought for the Day - The only time you decide to park in the Howard Centre on a Sunday will be when you realise, after going through the barrier, that it is no longer free. And you have no change.

Pug Status - Loving the attention she got from people on her afternoon walk

I'm a big fan of citrus fruit. For me, the smell of Christmas is the fragrance of satsumas, (along with the aroma of pine tree needles and the aftershock of too many sprouts). So I felt a tad festive when I managed to bag a bargain in our local supermarket on Saturday - a big bag of clementines for just one pound!

When I got home I realised just why they were so cheap. I decided to have one as a mid-morning snack but regretted this within mere milli-seconds of putting one into my mouth. Now, I could describe them as quite fiercely sour, but that wouldn't do them justice. After just one bite it felt like my tongue had been rolled in battery acid and my face had caved in through the back of my head....

Rather than throw them out I have decided to put them through a juicer and use them for any domestic job, such as scouring metal or stripping paint from door frames. My wife did put one in our roast chicken before cooking it to see if it would enhance the flavour. It tasted lovely, and got the full Obi mark of approval as Princess Pug polished off her portion in fine style (along with her special pug biscuits). My wife did think it would make the chicken be a little tart. Her fears looked to have been justified when I spotted it outside the phone box, plastered in make up and wearing a boob tube and mini-skirt....